The crucial thing, though, is to talk to someone who is able to remain fairly neutral. It can be cathartic to express your emotions outwardly and tell another soul what is going on inside your head and heart right now. In these situations, it can help to talk through the incident and the feelings you have about it with a trusted confidant. Now you’ll be in a much better position to think clearly and process the events and decide what to do next. Your emotions will eventually begin to fade as the fire becomes mere embers. Ask them to respect your wishes and leave you be. Now, if they try to contact you (and they probably will), you can just tell them in a calm manner that you need some time and space to deal with what they’ve done. You must take some time away and break ties with that person. Thus, in order for the fire to burn out, you must stop adding fuel to it.
The most combustible fuel for that fire is contact with the one(s) who betrayed you. At first, the fire burns strong and the feelings glow white hot in the flames. Think of those feelings we talked about above as being fuelled by a fire. That means not seeing them, not messaging them, not checking their social media every 5 minutes. When you’ve been betrayed by someone, the best short term solution is to avoid them as much as physically – and electronically – possible. The feelings will eventually fade and pass and you’ll be glad you held off from inflicting similar suffering on your betrayer. Resist the temptation to get your own back. And the more you do it (even the more you think about doing it), the more likely you are to carry that pain with you for the rest of your life. Retaliation is a bit like picking a scab: it’ll only uncover the wound once more and cause you further pain. Yet, you know from experience that the more you touch and pick at a scab, the longer it stays and the more likely it is to leave a scar. It’s itchy, it’s sore, and you feel the need to do something about it. A scab soon forms over the wound, but there is often a desire to prod it and pick at it. If there’s one way to prolong the hurt and delay the healing process, it’s by plotting and planning your revenge.Ĭonsider the analogy of betrayal as a cut or gash in your bodily flesh.
You may be feeling angry about what happened and you may feel like they deserve punishment, but rarely is this ever a productive endeavor. With some betrayals, you may experience an overwhelming urge to retaliate. There won’t be a clear or uniform progression from one to the other, but rather a turbulent maelstrom of emotion. You may then return to surprise tinged with shame. You may feel many or all of these after a betrayal – most likely a few at a time and swinging back and forth as you process them.įor instance, surprise and confusion might be the first things you feel, which then give way to anger and disgust or sadness and fear. It is an important step to identify what it is you are feeling at any given time. “How could they possibly understand?”Ĭonfusion – you may simply not be able to comprehend what’s happened? None of it seems to make any sense to you. Loneliness – this is your betrayal and nobody else’s. Shame – you may blame yourself and feel ashamed by what has happened and how others may now see and treat you. After all, the person who betrayed you clearly felt you weren’t. Insecurity – you may question yourself and doubt whether you are worthy of love and care. It might mean major upheaval in your life and these unknowns scare you.ĭisgust – you can’t even bear to think about it or them because it makes your stomach churn. You might not have had any inkling that this was likely.įear – you may worry about the consequences of this betrayal. Surprise – yes, you are probably shocked to find out that this person or persons have betrayed you. This might be because you feel a sense of loss a loss of trust, a loss of the person you thought they were, a loss of the happy memories you have of them, a loss of the future you saw with them. Sadness – you might become very low, weepy even when you discover a betrayal. “How dare they?! How could they?! They’ll pay for this!” Anger – you’ve been hurt and one of the most natural feelings in such situations is anger.
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